Flashbacks

Nightmarish flashbacks of a “test” of some sort where another individual just as young or younger than myself.

Flash backs. Every muscle fiber is burning. I can’t decide whether I was insane before the scenarios or whether I went insane from them. We can help each other. Why are some people who are hurting still pretending this isn’t real?

Can’t see straight.

The funny thing is I know some people are going to enjoy reading this. Those may be the people hurting.

The truth is, I can get through what I’ve been through, I’m fine.

I feel there are others who were hurt during these ‘training’ scenarios. These were not even like combat simulations or direct combat.

Now that the memory “layer” has been touched upon, I’m getting a starkly vivid unfolding of more than I would like. It’s like having the active memory of the simulators or events is touching upon that very same layer of memory where the other events are held.

Stomachs burning, head is vibrating, muscles are shaky. It’s not about me, I feel it’s what I had done to others. If I’m a fucking monster I wanted to know it. Maybe I needed to become a monster to hide the pain or to get away from it. The mind cracks, then it rebuilds itself stronger, but with less insight as to who one really is. It wasn’t even out of fear, although that was the base of it. It was out of a desire to make the experience stop.

It was not out of the exploration of morbidity. It’s like a schizophrenic break from instructions. Was that the point? To find the person who glitches in that very manner, and then use it for motivation or for a direct purpose?

So then it becomes a way to “better” ourselves. A way to “get” the experiences out of us.

I truly wonder. There are torturous scenarios in the world everyday. Is this for some kind of beneficial goal, a learning process, a healing, a cathartic emotional-psychological cleansing? Will it help the population leave fear behind?

I want to help those who have been through this, but someone is going around telling people that it’s all a joke. That person may very well be prolonging the torture for everyone for their own good as a result of how they feel about themselves and what they have been through.

It’s not so much what I have had done to me, but what I have done to others through these scenarios. The voices are too real, and I can hear the crackle in the vocal chords for these particular memories to be complete simulation.

Teaching us to be strong…maybe. I just want to help, I don’t want to see people at war with each other. If people can harmonize then this might be the time to do it. We’ve had wars every age accept for the majority of the first and possibly after the timeline/genetics altering events of the catastrophes as they passed in history.

Each time a set back, so why now? To have the war that ends all wars?

If you don’t find out what’s happening, you might not have another chance. Please talk to each other and share this information.

Do you realize what is coming? I’m tired of feeling sorry, we need to take steps to actually changing things, helping each other. We can’t do it through the initiation of war or using violence.

These are the kind of memories we need to heal. If we’re not talking about this then we’re ignoring it. If we’re ignoring it then we don’t know who we are. If we go too fast, people’s minds crack again and they don’t go back together. Is this how we find the people in this society that know how to make amends?

Who rescued us? Was it the rogue faction? Solar Warden?

We were rescued at all? Are we out? What about the light faction? What is coming?

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