This is an account found online. This is part of the process we have discovered.
A friend persuaded me to submit this account, against my natural tendency on the matter. I have no real interest in following it up or being contacted in any way. It was a very frightening episode. It is traumatic enough, to be honest, to recall it just once at length here. But having set out to describe it, I will be as frank and as accurate as language can allow.
On the 15th July 2013, at about 7.45am, I was on my way to work and approaching the intersection and getting ready to take a left-hand turn. This is a notoriously dangerous intersection on any day, and there have been many accidents there. It is hard to see if the intersection is clear from the right and the left turn is particularly hazardous. I was running late and in a flustered state of mind. I had an important meeting that I’d been planning for carefully over a number of days, and a really stupid delay at the last minute put all of that in jeopardy. It should also be understood that a much better traffic signal system exists there today than was in place at the time of this incident.
I approached the intersection in a hurry. I looked to the right and believed that I had correctly viewed that nothing was approaching from the right, so I made the left turn. As I crossed the intersection, I glanced right once more and saw a vehicle heading straight for me at what could only have been in excess of ninety miles per hour. We saw each other. I saw the look in the other guy’s eyes because we were that close. A collision was absolutely inevitable. There is no way on this earth that it could have been avoided.
What happens next is EXTREMELY difficult to describe, but I will do my best. And this can be (and must be) taken to apply to everything that I am going to attempt to relate from this point onwards. Words, even the most carefully chosen words, capture no more than 1% of this experience at best, and even then very poorly. This is quite possibly the most frustrating thing about giving this account.
Across from the front of the car on the left, in almost the opposite direction to the oncoming vehicle, was a field. I suddenly became aware of a very large ‘object’ approaching slowly on a diagonal across this field. It was coming directly towards my car. Time was not functioning normally while this was happening, if it was functioning at all. I had the space to notice this happening, but I can’t explain how I was able to do that. The object when I first saw it, appeared to be about the size of a ten-floor tower block. It subjectively seemed to be about two or three hundred yards across the field. These size and distance descriptions are meaningless, as I’ll try to explain in a moment.
The object resembled a giant waterwheel lying on its side and rotating as it approached me and my vehicle. As it got closer, this didn’t take time, as we understand it. I saw that my first observation about its size was wildly inaccurate. It was more like the size of a small city. As it got closer still, I understood that all scale and distance estimates were meaningless. It was larger than what we think of as the world. As it approached me, I became aware of its power and significance. My mind interpreted this as being an up-close, giant-scale physical object.
Okay, now this part is particularly difficult to explain. As the object drew near to me, a kind of sensation came over my person and I knew exactly what this thing was. Not only that, but I knew everything that pertained to it, what it was, what it was doing, what it’s ‘business’ was with me, where and when I had seen it before, why I was seeing it now, and many many other things that I cannot now recall.
I had seen the object before I was born and I will see it again when I die. We all knew it before we were born. We will all see it when we die. But this information is eclipsed from us while we are alive. And that was why I was seeing it now in the experience, because I was in the process of dying in a fatal car crash.
Here’s what I can remember, as best it words can tell. This wheel wasn’t something that moved towards me through the world, or through reality somehow. That was an illusion that my senses were constructing for me. The wheel WAS reality, itself. It represented EVERY CONCEIVABLE POSSIBILITY for a life or for a world that could ever be envisioned or imagined. As it approached, I became aware that what we call our world was contained within it. It was simply one of the numberless slots or paddles in the ‘water wheel.’ It had always been so. My life, your life, our world, all of us – we were a part of this wheel structure and we had always been a part of this structure. It simply now made itself visible to me.
There then began the truly terrifying dimension of this experience. Words cannot even begin to describe the level of fear I experienced. The water wheel sort of rolled across me and then across the place where my car was in the road. As it did so, I began to be hit by each of the paddles in the wheel.
Remember that all of this is just a way of talking. It does not, and cannot, remotely describe the real situation as it actually was.
But some sense of it can be had by imagining that in the space of each ‘paddle’ there was a kind of spinning film of water, like a waterfall on its side. Imagine a film of water being thrown outward from the wheel in each slot, as if by centrifugal force. Imagine being slapped or splashed by each of these films as you collide with it and pass through it to the next one. This is what was happening. Except these weren’t just films of water. They were (for want of a better term) possible realities or what we might think of as universes or worlds. Again, our world, our entire universe as we normally think of it, was simply one among an infinite number of these. How did I know that there was an infinite number? I just did. A kind of knowing came with the event, and there was no doubting this knowing. It WAS so, and I knew it was so.
And because I had knowledge and understood what was happening in ways I can no longer communicate, I was afraid. I understood that I was about to be subject to the process that humans approximated with the term ‘reincarnation.’ This was why the wheel had come. I represented a kind of discrepancy that had to be fixed. The event, or perhaps the imminent event, on the highway had caused me to slip out of or fall between the paddles on the wheel. This structure had some kind of cosmic purpose of sorting things into their correct natural place. I was afraid and resisted being ‘sorted’ so the wheel stepped up its aggressive attempts to ‘sort’ me correctly.
With this came another understanding that frightened me even more. I knew that unless I soon selected one of these realities to slide back into, that the wheel would coerce the situation by deciding for me. One way or another, I WOULD be ‘sorted’ whether I liked it or not. If I didn’t choose for myself, I would simply be fitted into place at some nearest position on the wheel to the point where I failed to make the decision; if that makes sense. I was aware of having a limited ability to choose, but not much. Even that limited ability wasn’t much use because each reality slammed against me and through me before I could make much sense of what it contained.
Even I did not remain the same from one slot in the wheel to the next. It was as if when each film broke over me, I was destroyed and made again from the ground up as a completely new self. There was no continuous ‘me’ that traveled unaltered through that wheel and can somehow report back on this experience. This is just one of the many things that is so very hard to explain. The very idea of a continuous self was contradicted by this experience.
I have forgotten, or perhaps it was deliberately suppressed, the vast majority of what I saw in the various universes or paddles of the wheel. At the beginning, they seemed very similar to this world we inhabit, or believe ourselves to inhabit. For example, I have a floating memory of seeing various different scenarios of how the accident played out. I suspect that these were all nearby paddles on the wheel. In one of them I remember seeing what looked like my vehicle thrown right off the road and so badly damaged that it looked like it had been folded in the center like a pocket knife. I seemed to recall many other scenarios like this that I can no longer remember. To clarify: what I mean is that I seemed to file or flip through numerous conceivable (quantum?) possibilities for the outcome of the accident. I can remember doing this, but I cannot remember what any of these particular ‘worlds’ contained.
I have no explanation for why I failed to experience any of the phenomena usually reported with the imminent death situations like the tunnel, the light, and so on. I suspect that imminent death experiences are symbolic scenarios that flash up just as someone is entering or exiting the wheel, but before the situation has developed very far. At no stage did I see anything whatever that resembled what we humans would think of as an afterlife or spirit world or life after death realm. It’s as if we are either on the outer surface of the wheel itself, in one of its realized worlds, or else we are dead and we are the wheel itself. The wheel is a space where all uncreated possibility exists, but nothing completed or actual. And bear in mind that nothing was concealed from me. I was the ALL, and knew the ALL. I certainly don’t retain it or pretend do, but I knew it then.
I began to grow extremely panicked. Each time I thought I was just beginning to get a handle on things, I would be slapped over violently and ruthlessly into a new slot in the wheel and a whole new ‘me’ would crystallize, along with all the memories and assumptions that went along with that world. I remembered none of who I was just a moment ago in another paddle on the wheel. I had no memory whatsoever of where I had come from or the highway situation in my world. I had zero memory of that world. I knew I had come from a ‘somewhere’ but had no recollection of where that was, or even who I was. It was about the most bizarre thing that you could imagine.
Somehow though, and I can only assume that it happened without any conscious action on my part, the possibilities appearing in the wheel began to narrow down and become somewhat more familiar again. Scenarios associated with the accident began to appear once more. I say once more, but I have no real way of knowing whether this was a separate incidence of this to what I described above, or whether it was really the same incidence because time was functioning so unusually during the whole episode.
Again I saw, or seemed to see, variations or possible world-outcomes where I died in the crash. I seemed to understand intuitively that if I went ‘into’ any of these, I would be there for only a few moments or minutes at most, and then I would have to come out and face the wheel again almost immediately. I didn’t want to do this. But there was an odd kind of knowing associated with that too. The wheel didn’t seem bothered one way or the other. It didn’t seem to matter to it whether I emerged again in three minutes time or three decades time. All it cared about was sorting me, and there was a kind of ruthlessness to this that I will not soon forget.
I found myself back on the highway in what seemed to be a very short distance back up the road, still approaching the intersection. This is just one of the many mysteries associated with the event that I cannot explain. Did I choose a world which was a version of our universe in which the accident hadn’t quite happened yet, but was just seconds away from happening? I can’t say, because I have no memory of making that decision. I remember the look on that driver’s face as clearly as if it were yesterday. I remember him bracing back on the wheel. But I braked as I reached the intersection and that driver, or his car, were simply nowhere to be seen.
Original Article with more information: http://www.nderf.org/Experiences/1wilson_fde.html